Perfection
by on sleepless roads
Summary: She never thought she'd ever be scared of perfection. That was his thing, not hers.


**This is my first try at writing for Glee and I honestly hope it's not too terrible. I haven't really been watching for that long but when I finally did, I instantly knew that Puck and Rachel had to happen. So, yeah, I've read a lot of INCREDIBLE Puckleberry fics here and I'm sure this nothing compared tot hose but I do hope you enjoy it anyway!**

**I have to admit that this is not my usual writing style. Feel free to comment on grammar or anything really. Constructive criticisms are more than welcome!**

The first time he breaks up with you it's because you were, and you quote, _'too fucking perfect'._

Technically, this wouldn't be the first time the both of you break up . You remember the very first one, back when you were still madly in love with his best friend and him with the same best friend's girlfriend (even _you_ know how unbelievably cliché it was that the two fo you got together), in the bleachers. But that was different, you initiated that one, not him. Even if he does claim that he was going to do the exact same thing if you didn't beat him to it.

You wish you could say the same thing for this break-up.

None of your friends from glee saw this coming, much less you. You've only been together for three months then, after you both reliazed the objects of your affections were never, ever going to move on from each other. It was a sad truth for you back then, that it was always going to be _Quinn and Finn, Finn and Quinn_. Sure, they both tried to be with other people (namely; you and Noah) but in the end it was just _them._ Always them. (You find yourself thankful for that now.)

The way you get together for the second time around isn't really any different from the first time. Finn and Quinn had just gotten back together and you were feeling awfully low that day, he happened to be there and two of you just sort of happened. But that was the only thing similar from the two relationships, you remember trying to convince yourself. It was different than the last time, you tell yourself, no, you convince yourself. Because he was sweeter now, gentler, even. You weren't using each other this time, no, you weren't. And it was just different.

When you catch him making out with some faceless cheerio in the locker room, you start to rethink your judgement of people. Or just your judgement, period.

But it doesn't hurt you as much as it should have. Funny thing is you don't think it hurts you at all. It embarasses you, yes, but the stinging in your heart kind of hurt? The one you felt when you saw Quinn and Finn back together? Yeah, it just wasn't there. Another failed relationship, you never thought you were meant for high school romance anyway.

But what he says next does hurt. It just confirms what you always had thought in the back of your head. _You're_ the problem.

"_You're just too fucking perfect, Berry. I can't deal." _Then he walks out. Just like that.

You don't talk to him for a year.

--

It wasn't easy avoiding him. Of course it wasn't. You were in the same school, you had some classes together and you both were in glee. It wasn't likehe lived in another universe.

You sometimes wish he did.

Sometimes you'd catch him looking at you at class or at practice but you ignore that. There was no way that Noah wanted you again. He made that very clear before and you were not going to give in to the fact that you missed his hands on your waist or they way his arm just kind of slung around your shoulder or even that breathy way he says your name. No, you will not. Rachel Berry does not cave.

But, apparently, Noah Puckerman does. Albeit, after a year but he's still the first one who makes a move. And that matters a whole lot to you because he's _Puck_ and he just doesn't do that.

The first 'talk' you guys have after the break up happens a few months into senior year. All the drama from the previous years have all drowned out, including babygate when he and Quinn decided to go thorugh with putting the baby up for adoption. You remember how much it killed you to not be able to comfort him that day they made it official. You just sat there in the hospital lobby, along with the rest of glee and Mr. Schue, and watched him and Quinn sign the papers and hand the baby to their new parents.

He tells you he's sorry as his opening line. You have to admit to looking a little short of flabbergasted at his words. Those were definitely not what you were expecting when Noah Puckerman cornered you after one glee rehearsal so you guys could talk.

You want to yell at him right there. You want to tell him his apology is, oh, a year too late. You want to scream every big word of anger and annoyance that you know. And you know a whole lot. Because who does he think he is? He does not have the right to make your heart beat faster with the way he's looking at you right now. You don't remember him eve rlooking at like that, ever.

But he grabs you and kisses you the way that you missed (although you would never admit that) and you just lose all train of thought and you find yourself kissing him back.

You walk out of the choir room after that and you're just as surprised as he was when he followed you out. You're even more surprised when you hear what he wants from you.

A second chance.

--

You don't make it easy for him this time around. You've learned your lesson. You make him go on fancy dates with you and you don't kiss him again until the third date when he forgets his wallet and the two of you end up doing dishes for the restaurant you ate in. He suggested the classic eat and run but you refuse, saying that that was entirely rude and would make them look like scavengers.

So you two wash and dry and you find yourself enjoying. He makes fun of you and how you hum Cinderella songs while you do the dishes and you find yourself not minding, laughing even. You lecture him about responsibility and about always having emergency money tucked somewhere in your back pocket just incase something like this ever happens and he splashes water on your face and you find yourself laughing again.

That's when you realize there can be more to him than he lets on. Or maybe you've realized that way back and just didn't want to acknowlege it. Because if you did, you would forced to admit to something way deeper. Something you _know_ he's not prepared for, you're not even sure you're prepared for it yourself.

You'd be forced to admit to falling in love. With Noah Puckerman, no less.

That thought both scares and excites you and you've never been both at the same time. Ever.

--

You don't talk about what happened a year ago. You know he's sorry and for you, that's enough. You don't need to hear about how he and the cheerio got together or how he thought you were too perfect for him. You don't want to rehash old memories so you never mention it to him.

You two last longer than three months this time around, even making it to graduation. He's going to community college and you're going to New York and you don't know how you two were going to go around that.

So he breaks up with you, again. And like your previous break up, you don't see this coming. Not because you had a perfect relationship. God, no. It was definitely not the kind of relationship you imagined having with Finn. But you kind of liked how different he was from your first love, you kind of like the excitement he brings.

"_It's just going to be too fucking hard, Rach."_ he says a day after graduation and you just want to slap him. But you don't because no one was there to watch and what kind of dramatic move would that be without any witnesses?

So you nod and you walk away. You promise never to let yourself go thorugh something like that again.

Because, this time, it _did_ hurt.

--

The next time you see him, you ignore him. He smiles at you but you just keep on walkimg, trying to pretend that he wasn't there. You walk straight to Tina and Kurt and you catch up with them. It has been two years since you last saw them. All of them.

The former glee club was having dinner on a winter night when, and it was a rare occasion, that everyone was home. They talked, caught up and you successfully dodged every question pertaining to your lovelife.

Your unexistant lovelife.

He's the only one who kind of seems to notice the way you change the topic when asked about boyfriends. He looks at you in that way he has when he just knows that something is up. You ignore these looks for the rest of the night because you cannot deal with him right now.

You cannot deal with him ever.

So you walk ahead of him when it's the two of you (naturally) who gets out of therestaurant last. You say your goodbyes and you walk to your car and you feel his hand on your wirst and you just don't want to believe that he wa sthis close again.

"What is it, Noah?" you say to him without looking directly at his eyes. God, how much you hate those eyes.

"So you got dumped or something in New York?" he tactlessly says and you scoff at him. You turn your back to him and you begin walking to your car again.

"That's not any of your business." you tell him when he follows you.

"Well, no, but I was just offering my services in case you wanted me to beat up someone from there." you turn to look at him at his words.

"How in the world are you going to do that, Noah? You said it yourself, it's too far."you say bitterly because, honestly? You haven't moved on.

And it sucks. Because it's been two years and you're supposed to be enjoying New York and enjoying college and enjoying your life but instead you're stuck thinking about a certain mohawked boy you had in high school in the middle of the night while lying in bed listening to Tamia over and over again.

"Not if I'm moving there."

You're not saying this dramatically but your eyes literally almost pop out when he says that. And then there was a part of you, a small small part that's actually kind of…excited.

You quickly ignore that part and fly back home the next day.

--

It only took five months of him living there before the two of you get back together. You were more than hesitant at first because, in your world, there was no such thing as third chances. You blow the first two and you're out of the game. That's how you think it should be.

But he was Noah and that just had to make a world of difference. You don't like that it does but there was nothing you can do everytime he looked at you in a way that made your heart skip a beat. It was like your own self wasn't in your power anymore.

The first time you fight it's because of your insecurities. You never really got over the whole cheating thing back in high school. Sure, you didn't love him back then but it always gave you the notion that you weren't good enough for him, physically. So the first time you see him talking to some pleasantly shaped girl while waiting for you outside your building, you blow up.

"It's always going to be like this, Noah! You're always going to want something more!"

"Don't be so dramatic, Rachel. She was just asking who I was waiting for because you took fucking forever!"

"So you're putting this on me now? I was not the one who was cheating!"

"I was not cheating on you!"

"It wouldn't be the first time." You know that was a low blow. It has been, what, almost six years since that incident and you're throwing it at his face now.

"That's not fair. God, Rach, when are you going to let me forget that?" he says agrily and you relaize he's right, you were not being fair. But it doesn't mean you're wrong, either. He has given you every right to believe that you weren't going to be good enough for him.

"You're always going to want more." you repeat because he, apparently, needs to be told once more.

"I'm only ever going to want you." You almost don't hear him when he says that. You're prett sure that's the closest romantic thing he says to you.

"Why?" you ask just as softly because you were confident in a lot of things but, apparently, when it came to Noah Puckerman, you were as insecure as a seventh grader going through puberty.

You almost don't wait for his answer when he takes too long. You turn around to walk out of the door when you hear him speak from behind you.

He tells you he loves you for the first time that night.

--

You graduate and start doing shows and he gets promoted in his job. The both of you were doing good. You break up six more times after getting back together. But that was the thing, you _always_ got back together.

He popped the question on your twenty sixth birthday. You say yes, of course. You loved him and you can't imagine saying yes to someone else.

So it surprises everyone present that day when you don't show up. You know because you were there, in the sides, wearing a shirt and jeans as opposed to what should be a white wedding gown. You see the look on his face and you don't think you could ever forgive yourself for causing that. You let a tear slide down your cheeks as you watch him walk out angrily and getting into his car, speeding off.

You silently tell yourself you're doing the right thing.

Because everything was too perfect. You guys haven't had a big fight for almost a year and that simply never happened when it involved you and him. And when things got that way, things were bound to get shot down to hell (forgive the language). You were scared of that, for the first time in your life you were scared of the one thing that you've always wanted to achieve.

You were scared of perfection.

--

You don't see him again for six months, You heard that he went to a drinking stupor for the two months of your disappearance. Then he got his life back together and was now doing good again. You smile because you're proud of him. And because you're happy that he was doing alright.

The time you see him again you almost don't recognize him. He's still the same old Noah but there was something different in the way he carried himself. There was experience there, much much more than abandonment and almost being a father in high school. Somehow you not showing up on your wedding day made him seem stronger than he already was.

And you liked seeing him that way. You're pretty sure you were a screaming opposite of him.

You're surprised when he tells you he's been looking for you. You thought he'd be furious at you for embarassing him like that. You didn't even think he'd acknowledge you when you sawh him at some random coffee shop one night. But he goes up to you and says something that makes you want to slap yourself for letting him go.

"I'm not that easy to get rid of, Berry. After going thorugh hell and back with you, you really think I'd give up so easily?"

You smile up at him, your first smile in six months.

**I'm thinking of writing a Puck version of this story, but, first, what do you think of this one?:)**


End file.
